paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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