it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
