Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
