I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
