So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
