I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
