I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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