i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
