I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
