my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You smell like stripper and shame
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
