omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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