my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
