If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize