the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
