Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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