my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
