Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize