I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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