Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
