Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
