There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
