You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
