i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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