The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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