every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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