it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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