I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
third nipple confirmed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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