i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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