Need sex. Gaining weight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
