I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
