East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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