Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
