If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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