Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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