in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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