'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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