its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
