she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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