Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
