i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
