It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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