First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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