i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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