Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No...this little piggys going to the bar
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
