i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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