I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
