I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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