Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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