I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
