what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
