I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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