he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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