so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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