I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
