After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
