four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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