I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
