Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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