it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
