I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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