He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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