No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
