I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
