Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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