his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
