He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
