____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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