I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
