i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
