I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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