We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
