I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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