weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
