The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
