yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
