so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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