11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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