I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
