You're so nebulous sometimes
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
