Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The air taste purple.
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