Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
