I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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