Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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