We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
