Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
