Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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