let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
