Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nutella sex= disaster
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
