Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
