the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
