Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

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(425): View more from Washington

Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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(319): View more from Iowa

For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

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(541): View more from Oregon

She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it

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(432): View more from Texas

So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing

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