Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
