He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
