singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize