what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
