Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
