Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
