Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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