my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
