I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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