Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
