Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
