Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
