my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So many bounce houses so little time
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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