I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
