i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
