You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize