glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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