the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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