His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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