I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
